I'm not sure I would know a downward spiral if I was falling down one.

What the fuck is going on? I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like I'm a soldier in the middle of a great battle field. While everyone else is hiding behind things, I am walking swiftly, smoking my cigar, towards the enemy. Bullets whiz by my head, but I just forge forward.

I bought Buster a plane ticket yesterday to come out here for the summer. He'll be here from June 3rd to Aug. 23. I am looking forward to his arrival. I miss my kids. I miss my life, I miss my wife. Jesus fucking Christ , what a pathetic piece of shit I have become.