Good Day of Planning

I had a very productive laser focused planning session this morning. A couple of my A items that got checked off were: Identify and clarify governing values. This is on ongoing process, but felt good to work on for 20 minutes. One of the values was, "I love my kids". I clarified that with a paragraph in my planner. In keeping with that value, I decided to write Max, Hope and Liam a letter and mail it to them. I also decided to finally comply with the court ordered drug evaluation. For the last year and a half I have ignored this mandate. I saw it as a manipulative ploy by an vindictive woman and her cunt of a lawyer. Court ordered extortion, was more like it. I was seeing the kids 2-3 times a week without it, so not having overnight weekend visitations didn't bother me. Now that the kids live an hour and a half away. . . it bothers me. I'm not going to drive 1.5 hours, over the mountains for a 4 hour visit and then drive back. Fuck that!

Now the question is how do I pay the $550 fee for the evauluation when I can't even pay my bills. That's a tough one. I will offer to pay them $10 a week, if that won't do. . . guess I won't be seeing my kids. I never understood how I could be safe enough to take 3 kids under the age of 7 swimming, hiking, drive in my car, feed them etc. . . but not safe enough to put them to bed. When we were married I did it all the time. Must be something about coming into 400 Grand that messes with your ability to reason. Or perhaps the 40 thousand dollars she spent on her lawyer did something. Not having any money or a lawyer certainly didn't help me. But I wouldn't have done it any other way. I'm a proud man, and won't take cash from the folks, certainly not for this sort of shit. Groceries or rent if I absolutly had to. . . but not cum sucking lawyers or unneeded drug evaluations.