Kissing

A month before my wife's four hundred thousand dollar trust came due, I was served with divorce papers and forced out of my home with the threat of a restraining order. I left and spent a month sleeping on the floor of the back room of my magic shop before getting an apartment.

That was two years ago. It's been longer than that since I've been kissed by anyone other than my children. I see people kiss passionately on TV, in the movies and occasionally in real life. It breaks my heart every time. I feel this empty longing as my heart slips into the pit of my stomach.

I continue to ask myself. . . what's wrong with me. Why can't I find love. After two divorces, that I didn't want, I search for answers. . . and someone to love. I haven't been on a date and I am lonely.

I'm going to Vegas for the Super Bowl where a friend has offered to get me a hooker. I don't want that either. I want to feel special, like someone wants to share my company. So I'm not the best looking guy, I accept that along with all of my other short comings. Still the dream to love and be loved is an unmet need.

As I read the words I just wrote. I think what a fucking loser. But I am not a loser or a quitter. Who knows maybe I just need to fuck some whore to feel better. . . but I doubt it.

I just want to kiss a woman who wants to be with me and wants me to kiss her. I want her to kiss me back and feel the love in my heart and what I have to offer.