Troubled Mind

The last few days have been OK. We had a couple of nice days. Sunny and in the upper 50's. I used the opportunity to go street perform at the market. Unfortunately the traffic was not there to make any decent cash. But I was there with my shit. A smile on my face and love in my heart.

Something has been bothering me. Every time I talk to the little kids, It breaks my heart and makes me sad. They're so happy, and I do my best to mirror their enthusiasm. But in my mind. . .

I have tapes in my car that I listen to. I try and brain wash myself into believing different things. At various points over the last few years they have been very helpful. From, "Getting to Yes" to "Managing Personal Change" to Visualizing Success" I want to move forward. I am trying very hard.

At the moment, I just want to smoke a joint and chill. But I won't. Instead I think I'll clean the house. I just got back from the market. I wanted to get in some shows (rent and all other bills rapidly closing in on me). It was raining, I drove by just to check it out and see if it might clear up.

Worked the Fenix Underground last night and made a hundred bucks for a couple hours of work. I'll do the same again tonight.

Another thing that has been bothering me lately, is the lack of funds. I used to make good money. Now it all seems like a grind to barely make ends meet.

I will make it better and get back on my feet. I have all the talent and motivation to make it happen. I just need to rid my life of all the negative feelings that are clearly counter productive and are obviously holding me back. Easier said then done. I'm trying.

After I got Buster off on the bus yesterday, I jogged a couple of miles. I hate jogging, but I'll do it. I want to make myself fit, both physically and mentally.

Well, I need to get the laundry out of the dryer, fold it and put it away. Then clean the house. I'm not liking the clutter that has been building up. Might grab a nap before working tonight and then the late night magic jam session with the boys.