Tears on a chilly day of sunshine

What's my fucking deal. Who knows. While eating my peanut-butter and jelly sandwich for lunch, I just start crying.

I've been anxiously awaiting my appointment with Nigel the drug evaluator. I will see him today at 4:00PM. I spoke to Max, Hope & Liam on the phone last night. I dream of overnight weekend visitations, but I have little faith in the Washington State Court System when it comes to fathers rights in divorce cases.

I can see it now, Nigel says I don't have a problem with drugs or alcohol, I offer up my blood, urine and hair follicles for testing and still I anticipate a lifetime of hoops to jump through.

This is probably the first time in my life that I have willingly agreed to jump through the hoops. I will do anything I have to see my kids.

But no one knows better than me, if I am not granted with I want after all of their silly controlling games. . . .

Fuck them and the horse they rode in on.