Confused

I just got off the phone with Max, Hope & Liam. Sounds like they had a nice Thanksgiving, I'm glad. I had asked Moira about seeing them for Thanksgiving or this weekend and she flat out denied me on both requests. I spoke to her briefly after talking to the kids. I asked her when she was going to grow up and start letting me see the kids more. She said, "Why don't you ask yourself?" Then she hung up on me. I'm confused. What does that mean. What am I going to ask myself? When I'm going to grow up and start allowing myself to see the kids more?

Friends have told me that she doesn't like my fight to see the kids. They have also told me that by stopping my casual pot use and completing the drug evaluation (that said I had no problem with drugs or alcohol), and next week completing the court ordered parenting classes, I am sending her a message that I am not going away. I'm still confused. What is this really all about.

I don't get it. I have nothing but love in my heart. I want to be with my kids and I will do whatever it takes. It's going on a year of this fight. I saw my kids more, when I wasn't fighting for overnight visitation and still smoking pot. Of course, she only lived a half hour away at that time as opposed to the 2 hours away, now that they live in Ellensburg.

Oh well.