Mediation pt. 2

Well I should have seen this coming. Moira will not agree to ANY MODIFICATION to the parenting plan (visitation) unless I agree to go to a 3rd drug evaluator and submit to hair follicle tests. My response was, you pay for it, I'll do it. Of course she wouldn't agree to that. The mediator had an interesting compromise, if I tested positive for drugs I pay for it, if I tested negative she pay. Sounded reasonable to me, I agreed to that. . . she didn't. The mediator asked her, what if I did another evaluation with the hair test and the results were negative? She said she didn't know. I chimed in, that she would continue to send me to other drug evaluators until she got the results she wanted.

When I brought up the fact that I have already been evaluated by two different court approved drug evaluators and that neither them or a bunch of random piss tests over the course of months indicated that there was any drug or alcohol problem, her response was, "He is a master magician and can manipulate people and the truth". OY!!!! I tried to explain to her that a guy watched the piss come out of my cock into the plastic jar. In the past she has accused me of drinking some sludge to mask drugs in my system. I remember asking the piss test guy about this, anticipating Moira bringing this up again. He said that they also test for those sorts "adulterants" and can verify the integrity of the test. But nooooooo, I'm a "Master Magician". What a bunch of shit. I just want to spend more time with my kids.

So now we wait another month before the second mediation session in mid February.

I called my lawyer after the mediation and I didn't like what he had to say. He said, get the hair test, it will be cheaper than going to trial. He also told me that he couldn't do it for free anymore and that to go to the trial date that is set for April, it would cost a few thousand dollars. I told him I didn't have money for the hair follicle test or a few grand. I'm lucky to make ends meet. He told me to call him back in a couple of days.

My next call was to the last drug evaluator, (who was the guy who hooked me up with this lawyer). He said under no circumstance agree to any more testing. He explained to me that I have given her all the control and that she was making me dance like a puppet. He said he would try and find me another lawyer who would work for free and told me to call DAD's (dads against discrimination). I had called them a year ago, and went to a meeting but didn't see it as my sort of thing. I called them today and will give it another shot.

Nigel (the drug evaluator) said some things forcefully. He said don't do anything that is uncomfortable and he made a huge point that I had to be in integrity with myself (he said that twice).

Well, I am not comfortable making these 4 hour trips across the mountains for a 5 hour visit. My dad asked me why I ever agreed to that. I told him, I had asked for a longer visit but she wouldn't agree to that, and dictated the terms that I did agree too. I just want to see my children and be an active part of their lives. He also explained to me how she had all the control and that I needed to play hardball. Nigel said that as well. At some point, I have to say "NO"

So, here it goes. I am not comfortable with the current 5 hour visit every other Sunday with me doing all of the driving. I will not be making the trip anymore. This is killing me inside, but I have to stop the madness. I'm not living a whole life. I need to take control of what I do and not let her control me. I need to be in integrity with myself.

It hurts and my kids are paying the price as well as me.