Didn't feel like going to work today. Which is fucked up because it's Saturday. Rained all morning. Sun is trying to come out. I've tried to be upbeat proactive and positive; but today I just feel depressed. Well that's just the way it is. You win some and you loose some.

For a Friday, today sucked. Out of cigars, out of weed. . . out of my mind. The people are out there, they're just not coming in my store. With gas heading towards $2.50 a gallon. . . my business is fucked! I weave in and out moods like lines on the freewary. So, here I am day after day, hour after hour. I need to get my head out of my ass and focus on what matters most.


So many shattered dreams, so many delusions of grandure down the toilet. I am trying to be as optomistic as I can, but losing my family back to back with losing my business, well that's enough to shake anyone's confidence. I had three $30 days in a row this week. I could have made more money street perfoming. It's hard to be out street performing if I'm here trying to sell over priced trick decks.


Shit, it's not as bad as all that. Everything will work out fine. . . it always does.

Another day another fifty cents. . . and I haven't even started yet! Been opening at 11AM for a while now. Don't see much reason to get the shop open at 10, when things don't pick up till the afternoon. . . if they pick up at all. So, I guess that's it. Another one bites the dust.


I like Julie, I have a crush on her. It's fun to feel like a confused teenager again. Should I hold her hand or not? Will she mind if I touch her head or stroke her hair. I love it. We dance and I suck, but if she can put up with me trying to spin her and stepping on her feet, hey, I'm all about it. With a smile on my face and my hand on her waist, we glide around the dance floor like a roach on it's back. I'll admit, pacing my drinking is a challenge. After 4 drinks in an hour (to her half beer), I realized that I was not pacing. Sage says I should do a glass of water between each cocktail. That just might work. Knowing me though, that just means I switch to doubles.

Life flies by and leaves those not paying attention in the dust. Since my last post, my wife dumped and divorced me and now Seattle Magic is going out of business after a year and a half year in business. The last year has been a tough one but if I've learned one thing about myself, it's that you can't beat me down. I'm like a fucking cockaroach, I just keep coming back. Maybe one of these days I will actually get it right. Untill then, I guess I'll just keep a smile on my face and love in my heart and keep working towards my dream of making the world a better place with magic.