Wednesday Night

Went dancing at the Owl & Thistle Wednesday night. Had an OK time, but something in my head just isn't right. I don't have one tenth the confidence I had several months ago. Not sure if it's just that I'm not drinking or something else. Who knows. . . who cares.



I love watching the good dancers Lindy Hop and swing. I'd like to be that good. Joe Rosse is the best dancer that shows up and is a lot of fun to watch. The Vinyl Avengers Rock!!! And Swing! And Honky Tonk. It's always a great to hear them.



Billy Joe (lead singer and guitar/trumpet player) asked me if I wanted to do some magic at the end of the set break. I did the cups and the rings and enjpyed the opportunity.



I wish I could get up enough courage to mingle and chat with some girls. Hell, I didn't chat too much with the girls that I know that night. I sat alone in my own bubble and listened to the music.

Wednesday

Buster continues to do well in school!



Dad gets a haircut and sports a new look

My Son The Angel

Today was a good day. Buster and I studied for his vocabulary test over breakfast at 6:30 in the morning. I had an effective planning session and checked off many of the things I wanted to do. I wrote the little kids each a letter and Buster drew them each funny picture. I sent some follow up emails and called the Comedy Underground about booking a week.

When Buster got home from school, I made him a grilled cheese sandwich for a snack and the we went to the Seattle Center to throw the football.


We had a great time. There's a large grassy area near a huge fountain that spits large amounts of water in sync with music that is played over loud speakers. We liked it when a Hendrix song came on. This grassy area is situated right outside the Children's Museum where I managed the Gift (toy) Shop for two months. After it got too dark to play ball we walked through the Center House. It's been 3 months since I left there and they hadn't even changed the window yet. I said it then and I'll say it again, "Fuck the real world". I'm glad I quit. But I question whether or not I made the right decision. Of course I did. Working for chump change only to have half of it garnished and coming home every night as unhappy as I did, just wasn't worth it. The point was driven home as we did, stuck in rush hour traffic; as I did every night I worked there.

We got home in time for our Tuesday Night Session. Steve, Tim, Buster, Solomon and I jammed out till 11PM. It was a good session. We went over some sleights and had some insightful discussions about the art of magic.

Kissing

A month before my wife's four hundred thousand dollar trust came due, I was served with divorce papers and forced out of my home with the threat of a restraining order. I left and spent a month sleeping on the floor of the back room of my magic shop before getting an apartment.

That was two years ago. It's been longer than that since I've been kissed by anyone other than my children. I see people kiss passionately on TV, in the movies and occasionally in real life. It breaks my heart every time. I feel this empty longing as my heart slips into the pit of my stomach.

I continue to ask myself. . . what's wrong with me. Why can't I find love. After two divorces, that I didn't want, I search for answers. . . and someone to love. I haven't been on a date and I am lonely.

I'm going to Vegas for the Super Bowl where a friend has offered to get me a hooker. I don't want that either. I want to feel special, like someone wants to share my company. So I'm not the best looking guy, I accept that along with all of my other short comings. Still the dream to love and be loved is an unmet need.

As I read the words I just wrote. I think what a fucking loser. But I am not a loser or a quitter. Who knows maybe I just need to fuck some whore to feel better. . . but I doubt it.

I just want to kiss a woman who wants to be with me and wants me to kiss her. I want her to kiss me back and feel the love in my heart and what I have to offer.

If I Were A Rich Man

I would certainly plop down a grand for these exquisite cups.

Long and winding road

This was one of the full page ads that ran in both Magic and Genii Magizine back in 2000

Who would have guessed that they would be the bulk of my meager income in 2005

I have been giving a great deal of thought to my next trip to China and another round of manufacturing for the T. Frank Mint.

Some Days

Some days I feel like sucking on the business end of a shotgun.



These are some of the beautiful cups being manufactured by Rings n Things II

Jogging

I realized today, that I hate to jog but love to walk. I was out this morning, jogged a mile before I had to stop. So I walked another 3 miles. There is a payoff at the 2 mile mark. A beautiful skyline view of Seattle From the Space Needle to Smith Tower and the ball parks. I looked at the city in admiration then walked 2 miles back home enjoying the ocean, beach and poor schlubs jogging.

The Playoffs

Today I probably should have gone to the market and street performed, but I did exactly what I really wanted to do. . . watch the final Playoff Games on TV. It's going to the the Eagles and the Patriots in the Super Bowl and should be quite a game.

I was awaken at 8:30AM by a phone call from my brother Mike calling from the east coast. He reported lots of snow there, as he sat in his car smoking a cigar. Later in the day, I called both my Mom and my Dad and chatted with them. To bad, dad's Atlanta Falcons lost to the Eagles in the first game. I bet him a couple of cigars that the Eagles would win. . . and so they did. In between the games we went to Saveway where we bought a couple pounds of spicy wings. Between the wings, the football and the chips and dip; I got exactly what I was looking for. During the second game I got a call from Max. I was so happy to hear the sound of his voice. He was so excited to tell me about getting to the 7th level of the Incredible Hulk game on his Playstation 2. I then talked to Hope and Liam. They all sounded great and I was happy not to feel sad after getting off the phone with them.

I fell asleep during the second game as it was clear to me after half time that the Patriots were going to win. I spent a couple of hours this evening cleaning the living room. I had Buster finish his laundry, fold it and put it away. He is such a great kid. I love having him near me. He is such a sweet and sensitive young man.

We spent a half an hour going over some vocabulary words for his test on Tuesday. He did very well as I quizzed him. I been on him for a long time to stop chewing his fingernails and tonight he told me that it's been two weeks since he has smoked any pot or chewed his fingernails. I said, in disbelief, "let me see them!" Damn if they didn't look like they were coming around. I told him I was very happy and proud of him. It's nice to know that I am having a positive impact on his life. I love my kids more than anything in this world; and I am working hard to align my daily activities to show them.

Time for bed as we head into a brand new week. I plan on jogging tomorrow morning and trying to work off some of the crap that I ate this weekend.

What a delightful weekend

For a change, I can say that things feel like they might be coming together. Last night I worked the Fenix Underground. After a wee bit run in with self induced depression, I went to the club fully intending to have a few cocktails. But low and behold, I decided against it. After a chat with my favorite bartender Becky and explaining to her how I was feeling (and sneaking some lustful glances at her well endowed breasts); I ordered a pepsi and got to work. There was a Led Zeppelin cover Band playing followed by a Jimi Hendrix cover band. The place was packed and the vibe strong. After I started working my desire to drink faded and was replaced by the passion and art of magic. My sets were well received and I worked pretty solid from 9:30 -11:30PM.

Philemon turned his gig at the Fenix over to me until April. The extra $800 a month will come in handy as I fight to pay my bills. Philemon has been such a dear and caring friend to me since I met him shortly after opening the shop. I hired him 4 months after Seattle Magic opened, and he quickly fell into the position of my right hand man. I can't thank him enough for all that he has done for me. I hope one day I will be able to repay the debt.

After getting off of work, I picked up Buster at Brian's where he spent a couple of hours working on his laptop computer editing a video project he is working on. Buster, Brian, Kristen and I headed out to the South Center Session where we jammed out on magic till 3AM. We had a couple of new faces at the session and we all showed each other some of our favorite routines. Steve Amaden was there as well as a bunch of other guys.

We got home late, I crashed and Buster stayed up a bit later and watched TV.