PCAM Magic Convention in Aug.

Doom & Gloom

Tough day. Many visitors in the back room. I stayed out front with not much to say.

Another day of frustration

Drowning in my own pain, I grieve the death of another faded dream.

The rain beats down hard. I sit in my store and feel the chill that haunts my soul. Cigar smoke rises from my lips. I don't feel like being here. I'm cold and lonely, hungry too. My refrigerator is as empty as my heart. If I didn't have someone coming to look at the display cases in the back I'd go home and slam some bong hits.

I'm not sure I would know a downward spiral if I was falling down one.

What the fuck is going on? I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like I'm a soldier in the middle of a great battle field. While everyone else is hiding behind things, I am walking swiftly, smoking my cigar, towards the enemy. Bullets whiz by my head, but I just forge forward.

I bought Buster a plane ticket yesterday to come out here for the summer. He'll be here from June 3rd to Aug. 23. I am looking forward to his arrival. I miss my kids. I miss my life, I miss my wife. Jesus fucking Christ , what a pathetic piece of shit I have become.

Today is Sunday and it's a beautiful day here in Seattle. I could see the light, once I removed my head from my ass. Still fighting negative feelings but at least I showed up to work today. As I walked down the steep hill from my apartment to work I saw the clear blue sky and Elliott Bay at the bottom of the hill. I was having trouble shaking my bad feelings until something magical happened. A sailboat sailed by. It seemed to serve as some sort of symbolic catalyst. Where ever the winds take me sort of feeling.