Buster Comes Through With Some Grades!!

Friday AM

Got up at 6:10AM. Buster was already in the shower. His lunch consisted of a Jelly Sandwich (poor boy says he doesn't like peanut butter. . . that's down right un-American!), Hi-C Grape Juice, a banana, chips, and pudding. As I do every school morning, I write humorous note on his napkin. My mom used to do this for me when I was little. My notes are geared towards teenage humor and I know he gets a kick out of them. He tells me that he shows them to his friends every day.

I washed the dishes that were in the sink. One of the few problems of living in a small 1930's house. No dishwasher! First place I have ever lived that didn't have a dish washer. No biggie, I do what they did back then, wash them by hand. I pay high dollar rent in an expensive city to wash my dishes by hand. As Tony Soprano would say, "Fuck'in tragedy. . wha ya gonna do?"

Made him scrambled eggs for breakfast with apple juice to drink. We talked about the day, he asked me what my highest priorities were today. I told him that I was going to work on a proposal for the Metropolitan Grill. I have wanted to do this for a long time. Julie (my friend and dance partner) works there as the Marketing Manager as does Kathy and Grace more hot women that go to Honky Tonk Swing Dance Night. Although I have gotten the feeling that they didn't think the Met was the sort of place for a steady magic gig, I have nothing to loose by trying.

While I would rather have money. . . I would certainly do it for a swap out for food. Buster and I had a nice dinner there last night. We both had the prime rib.

Tonight we will dine at the Fairwood Country Club in Renton. I have a gig there on the 28th and my contact Ron Billock wanted me to check the place out. Ron said I could bring a guest, I thought about asking one of the few women I know to go, but thought Buster would enjoy it more. Dinner is on the club tonight. On the 28th I will be paid $125 an hour, working two hours. This looks like it might have some potential to be a steady gig, who knows. He also said that we could barter for rounds of golf. That could be fun once the weather changes. I may be broke with no bank account, but I eat at the finest restaurants and can golf if and when I like. I must be doing something right!

Got Buster out the door at 6:50AM. Checked my email and surfed a few sites. Now it's 7:50 and I feel like getting back in bed. But I won't, ah hell maybe I will who knows, it's cold.

Seven Natural Laws

1) If the results of your behavior do not meet your needs, there is an incorrect principle on your belief window.

2) Results take time to measure.

3) Growth is the process of changing principles on your belief window.

4) If your self-worth is dependent on anything external, you are in big trouble.

5) Addictive behavior is the result of deep and unmet needs.

6) The mind will naturally seek harmony when presented with two opposing principles.

7) When the results of your behavior do meet your needs you experience inner peace.


How to use this Reality Model:

1) Identify behavior patterns

2) Identify possible principals driving the behavior

3) Predict future behavior on those principals

4) Identify alternative principals

5) Predict future behavior based on the new principal

6) Compare steps 3 and 5

Pain is inevitable. . . Misery is an option! Bad things happen to good people!

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More from the web

Limitations on the other hand are psychological in dimension and are based almost solely on our self esteem. Our belief window which directly impacts how we view ourselves screens hundreds of messages each day. Inhibiting self talk, negative comments by others, and a non supportive environment facilitate a low view of oneself and what one can accomplish.

Consciously and subconsciously we receive messages—hundreds and even thousands each day—which are filtered by our belief window to reinforce the understanding we have of ourselves. Over time our belief window tells us what we can and can’t do, and actually looks for messages to confirm the view we have of ourselves. We can be held prisoner by a limiting belief window. This can confine us much like a trapped fly in between two panes of a window.

We have all witnessed the scene of the poor hapless fly held hostage by his environment. The fly will examine meticulously every area of the window looking for an opening. Once the fly realizes the boundaries of its surroundings, it will not veer from these borders, even if an opening is created for the fly to escape. It has programmed itself to fly within the restrictions it has established from its initial surveillance

Thursday

I woke up this morning, made Buster's lunch and breakfast. We chatted a bit before he lft the house at 6:50AM. I went back to bed. Still feeling sick, hacking up phlem and blowing my nose alot I got up at 10:30AM. I am trying to get out of my funk, so after my shower I listened to the CD that came with my Franklin Planner. It's useful for me to listen to this information, even though I am familure with it.

I am starting the process all over again to really maximize the Franklin "System". At the core, is Identifying my Governing Values - What Matters Most.

He got home at 2:45PM and asked what I did today. I told him I was trying to put some new principles on my belief window. We have listened to the Manageing Personal Change tape together, so he is familure with the language and ideas.

This evening we went to the Metropolitan Grill (Best Steak House in the City) for dinner. I had a hundred dollar gift certificate from a gig I did there a month ago. We ate like kings and enjoyed each others company. I love him so much and I am happy that he lives with me again. I'm glad that we speak frankly about drugs and everything else. He is doing better in school and we went over a stack of school work this evening.

After dinner we took a walk on the beach. I wanted to walk more but it was cold and lightly raining. With my cold and all, I thought it best to cut the walk shot.

It's 9:23PM now and he said he was calling it a night. 6:00AM rolls around before we know it and start the process over again. I think I will crash too. I want to stop going back to bed after he leaves in the morning and be more productive with my morning hours. So, there you have it - Goodnight

Belief Windows

"Belief windows"-the framework each of us has for understanding our world and acting accordingly.

The concept is simple: Each of us has a large invisible window in front of us through which we see the world. Written on each individual's window are the guiding principles that a person holds dear; the principles that serve as a basis for directing each person's behavior throughout his or her life. Examples include such beliefs as: "I work better alone," "No one does a task as thoroughly as me," "I'm a high achiever," "I'm a good manager," or "You have to expect the best from others to get it."

We behave consistently with our belief window. Our belief window defines our limits and sets our capabilities-it defines what we do or don't do and what we see or don't see. Our window controls our decisions. We consider what is written on that glass to be absolutely true, with no possible alternatives. We often associate with others who share the same belief window.

As we are able to see and understand our own belief windows and the guiding beliefs written upon them, we are better able to understand what motivates us-and how we can modify our beliefs to better serve ourselves. As we are able to understand each other's windows and the beliefs written on them, we can better understand and work with them more effectively. The better you can see what is written on other peoples' belief windows, the more you can predict their future responses, explain their past actions and motivate them to make needed changes.

At the root of every belief we have written on our belief windows is rationale, data or logic for why we put it there. Some of our beliefs can come from a single past experience, while others have taken years to shape and are refined with each experience that relates to the belief.

For the most part, our beliefs provide a useful framework for us to operate on a daily basis. Often, however, many beliefs we identified as being essential to our life in the past no longer add value to our life today. They do not hold up under the scrutiny of our current reality.

Perhaps the belief was too easily established, was based on inaccurate circumstances or has outlived its original usefulness. For example, I place a lot of trust in others I work with, so much so that having contracts with them often doesn't seem necessary to me-and may even feel like a detriment. I've learned in recent years, however, that contracts can help clarify and communicate expectations so that the odds of a successful relationship increase. I'm now redefining my belief window about the importance of having contracts with those I work with.

We always strive for consistency and order among our beliefs. When we hold two opposing beliefs, we struggle until we determine that one is more valuable to believe than the other, or we combine, refine, modify or create a new belief that encompasses the truth we see in both of the former beliefs. Often the simple act of seeing and comparing two opposing beliefs will help us choose the more correct one to value.

To make a change in your belief window, you first must see how a current belief limits you in ways that you do not want. For example, you may believe it's important to "stand your ground"-and for most of your life, this belief may have served you well. But that belief might have also earned you a reputation for being inflexible and unable to work well on a team-attributes that you would prefer not to have in your current position. As a result, you may choose to modify your belief about standing your ground to take into account the preferences of others in a group of which you are a member.

By examining your belief window, you have a technique for more objectively evaluating the usefulness of each of the beliefs that govern your behaviors and who you may become. What beliefs are holding you back from being what you most want to be or doing what you most want to do? What new beliefs could better help you to achieve your goals?

35mm Film, 4 short magic themed commercials I did

Click in the title and wait a minute for the MPEG4 Quicktime Video clip to load. I am very proud of this work. Paid well, and turned out great. Wonder if it made them any money?

Promo Clip

Click on the title for a brief quicktime video clip

Pioneer Square

Really missing the kids. C'est la vie.

Forced myself to get out of the house today. Went downtown to Pioneer Square. I've lived in Seattle for two years and never set foot in the Elliott Bay Book Store. Worked two blocks away for a year and a half and nerver went in. So, I went in. Enjoyed a 20 minute visit, mostly in the used book area. I looked at a bunch of art books. I was thinking about starting a new collage. Although the prices were reasonable, I thought it better to save my money. Found a few used magic books and spent a few minutes looking through those. Then back out onto the street where my cigar butt was waiting for me to re light it. Neat place. Lots of books and a restaurant downstairs that I did not visit.

I love the J&M Cafe and Card Room. Unlike the book store, I would frequent this place often. Mostly for lunch. Thay had a great Salmon Club Sandwhich. Ahh the sights, sounds and smells of Pioneer Square. Even though the shop is closed, I still gravitate to that part of the city.

I went to the US Bank and cashed a check I had recieved from a gig I did at Hokum Hall. Thinking about next months rent and all the bills that come each and every month. Need to figure out how to book some gigs.

The tape in the tape player is from the Franklin Covey, "Managing Personal Change". Buster asked me if it was working, I said, "Not yet." Round and round and round we go, where I'll stop. . . . nobody knows. . . not even me.

Tonight is my dance night. Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars. Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars. Like most Wednesday nights of late, I don't feel like going. But I suspect I will, and I always end up having a good time.

Cle Elum

So, I guess I just accept the fact that I won't be seeing my kids anymore. What, like I'm going to drive an hour and a half over the mountains for a three hour visit and drive back home. Shit, I don't think my car would even make that trip more than a few times. Certainly not without chains on my tires. I knew this day would come. It's what threw me into the pit of depression that was my holiday season. Now it is here and I must make a choice. Let it get the best of me and determine the outcome of my moods or deal with it, get over it and move forward. Easier said than done.

I'm very happy that Buster is back with me and that I am trying to get it together. I purchased my 2005 Franklin Planner today at Costco. Didn't really have the money to spend on it, but need to get back into the swing of planning what matters most. I plan on starting over. Working on my governing values. Working on my personal and business mission statement. And seeing that my daily activities are aligned with these values. I guess as far as Max, Hope and Liam are concerned. . . . I don't even know how to process this blow to my psyche. How can I be a good father to them, If I don't see them. I'm here for them, right? This is some fucked up shit.

I will take a deep breath, and then another. . . . life moves on. The continuing pain that breaks my heart day in and day out will someday. . . . what. . . hell, I don't know. . . but it's got to be better than what I feel now.


At least I got out of bed today. I made Buster breakfast, I made his brown bag lunch for school and made sure he was on time to catch the bus. I got out of the house, PAID MY RENT!!! Sent off some things I sold on ebay.

Think baby steps.

Don't think about Moira and the new life she is making without me in my children's lives. Oh what a tangled web we weave.

Happy New Year!!!!!

Performed at the Fenix Underground on New Years Eve